Self-Harm
Throughout my life I have had to overcome many battles and sadly, self-harm was within those battles. I have talked about self-harm in other blogs and have written about self harm in other blogs, however, I have decided to write about the topic through my eyes. Not many people know that I have struggled with self-harm in my life, in fact, only my parents and my boyfriend know the true story behind all of it. However, I believe that keeping things bottled up inside leads to many problems, and I want to finally share my story in order to get some closure for myself, as well as to help others understand that they are not alone in this battle and there are many ways to help yourself through this. There are also many ways you can help a loved one that is struggling with self-harm. I will talk about my story throughout this blog, as well as some advice as to how to help yourself or others being affected by self-harm. When I was younger, I would get into disagreements with my parents, and this was before we knew that I was bipolar and had severe anxiety disorder. When I was about in grade six, I discovered self-harm, and it seemed like a great thing at the time. I knew that no one could know that I was doing it though, as I knew that others would see it as a bad thing. After fighting with my parents, I would slink away to my room and I would take a pair of scissors, the kind meant for sewing that are really fine and sharp, and I would cut my ankle. I cut my ankle as I could simply say that I kicked something and that is why there is a cut there, as I knew that if I cut my wrists or arms people would know. I was very sneaky and subtle about it all. I continued using this negative coping strategy from grade six until grade ten, four years of self-harm. I struggled stopping the self-harm and still often think of resorting back to the negative coping strategy, as once you have found that easy out of emotional pain it is hard not to want to return to it. I know now however, that this is not the correct option and I do not allow myself to go down this path again. I truly believe that people who do the act of self-harm are looking for a way to solve their emotional pain that is quick and easy. When I would cut it took all of the emotional pain that I had no idea how to deal with and turned it into physical pain which I understand how to cope with. I believe when people do the act of self-harm, they simply just do not know how to cope with emotional pain, and turning it into physical pain is the easiest out. Once one has found a way to deal with their emotional pain in a health coping mechanism as talked about in my bog “The Weird Things-Health Coping” and any that a therapist or counselor have told you to use, or whatever you find that works the best for you, if it is a healthy coping strategy that works, use it. I wish that I would have had someone that could have told me how to deal with my emotional pain throughout the four years that I was self-harming. I would love to not have scars all over my ankles, however these are my physical battle scars and when I see them, I remember the dark place I was in and remember that I got out of that dark place and am doing so much better. About a year ago I got a tattoo on my ankle, it is a butterfly with a semi-colon as the body. If you are unsure what the semi-colon means, check out my blog “Semi-Colon” and it will explain the significance of it all. In short, the semi-colon represent that you wanted to give up but you kept fighting and have gotten so far with just pushing forward every day. If you are struggling with self-harm, I recommend that you talk to someone that you trust about what is happening. I want you to get the help that you need to as soon as possible because it is very challenging to go on struggling with something such as self-harm. I know that one of the hardest things to do is to ask for help, however, it is very important to get the help that you need. I got introduced to an app called ‘HarmLess’ (it has a purple heart as the icon) by my therapist. The app counts how many days you have been harm free and also has an urge button for when you have a sudden urge to self-harm. The urge button has many different things to it and allows you to calm down and do an activity to take your mind off of self-harm. The app also asks to to pledge that you will try your best every day and asks you to review your day and asks you some questions and allows you to journal each night. I understand that it is hard to get out of the habit of self-harm but one must understand that this is not the answer and must get the help that they need. If someone comes to you and tells you that they struggle with self-harm, be there, listen, try and understand. Although you may not understand, whatever you do, do not make them feel judged by yourself. By making someone feel judged about telling you about self-harm you are making it so they will never talk about it again and they will not get the help they need. I hope that you are able to get the help that you need if you are struggling with self-harm, and if you too are a survivor of self-harm, I am proud of you for getting out of that habit and finding the help that you needed. Finally, if you are helping someone stay clean from self-harm you are doing amazing and if you are getting asked to help someone, please do so, as it very realistically could save their life. No one is alone in their journey and I am always here to remind you that you are not alone. believe that all of my readers are strong individuals who can do anything that they set their mind to. I believe in you and have faith that you can do what is best for yourself!
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AuthorHello, my name is Emma and my goal for these posts is to help at least one person know they are not alone. Categories
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